Boundaries...limits....how do we know when we've established them? How do we know when we've crossed them? Where is the line of our personal space and emotional respect? And how do we honor the boundaries of others?
Boundaries are sometimes difficult to identify. As a global society we've created lines around our homes, states, countries and continents. Those lines did not exist until humans created them.
But what about the boundaries and lines regarding the intangible? We can't see feelings and emotions unless they are expressed through body language, words, art, music, so on. Emotional lines and boundaries can be blurry, muddy, confusing and altogether mysterious. How do we know we are in line, or in other words, "aligned" with our personal space and boundaries? Can we perceive and honor that same alignment for others?
Creating boundaries for oneself physically, emotionally and spiritually is an on-going human project. Our boundaries may shift and change as we grow and evolve into different versions of ourselves and step into new situations. In one sense I see boundaries as a form of segregation and separation....isolating this from that, acknowledging differences rather than similarities. A lot of effort has been geared toward unity and oneness because are all cut from the same fabric and it seems as though we've forgotten that! We are ALL spiritual beings having an awesome human experience, right?
I feel this is Truth, yet we still have the day-to-day task of creating and honoring our own individual boundaries while balancing that in a collective unified human experience. So again this raises the question, can we discern between what one needs and what is best for the whole? How much do we give to ourselves in relation to what we offer others? When do I need to put my own needs first and when is it best to take ourselves out of a situation and just simply respect what another is saying?
These questions don't necessarily have a black or white answer, though one element does seem to weave together these concepts.......
effective communication....
expressing AND listening.
Although we have potential to be psychic and highly intuitive beings, we're not on the level to communicate telepathically on a daily basis. So thus we must express how we feel, be honest with ourselves first to then extend that honesty to another. And here we are presented with boundaries.
You know that feeling of being super drained and not having much time to rest alone or regain one's peace of mind. Sometimes our work and life events, however healing or destructive they might be, can leave us feeling isolated and in need of human empathy and understanding. Checking in with our state of emotions is the the key. If feeling lost, grumpy, tired, annoyed, empty, drained, whatever.....admit that! That is the recognition of a boundary. We're then acknowledging how WE feel. We've then created an awareness. We've tapped into our current state of being and are aligned with our personal space in that moment.
Effective communication leads us to the next step of sharing with others our personal boundaries. "Tonight I'm feeling pretty tired and quiet. I just need to relax. I'm not in the mood to________(fill in the blank)".
Here's where we LISTEN. We perceive how the other person is feeling because they've shared with you that information! That is a boundary, a line, a request to be respected in that feeling. It is not something personal or hurtful. It is simply one being trying to communicate to the other being how one FEELS thus creating boundaries.
These boundaries are necessary to keep one's cup full. You know that saying about how if your cup is always empty you have nothing to give. That's acknowledgement of a boundary. "Tonight I need to step away from the distractions of others and fill my cup back up." But many folks who are not aware or do not understand their OWN emotions have a difficult time respecting this boundary and see it as a personal threat. How can we ever all get along if we aren't open to respecting oneself and another's boundaries? If we are unwilling to put our EGOS aside for the sake of empathy toward another, communication will not convey the message we're hoping it will. It just won't be received as intended and we're stuck in a emotional and communicative breakdown.
Of course the other side of the coin is learning to open one's perspective and dissolve unnecessary boundaries which limit and prevent the exploration of the the greatness around us. Sometimes we fill our cups by sharing collectively an experience that brightens our day. Those lines and boundaries that we think are protecting us may only be held up by fear. That is a topic for another day, but it's always healthy to assess both sides of a discussion. It takes two to tango, eh?
Acknowledging, creating and maintaining boundaries is a challenge for many of us, myself definitely included. But that's why we are here....to learn, grow and shift with the changes of life! We've gotta get grounded in ourselves in order to know what we need to thrive, to gain perspective of our emotions, and personal space. We come mindfully back to our center to understand how to lovingly commune with others. A nice way to regroup and ground oneself back to center is to simply practice a free, easy and simple technique:
3-part Yogic Breath.
1. Sit crossed legged on the floor with hands on the thighs (sit against a wall if you need spinal support); OR sit upright in a chair with feet flat on the floor. Lift the spine long and tall and close the eyes.
2. Relax and soften any areas of tension such as the brow-line, jaw, shoulders, hips, etc.
3. Notice your natural breathing and check in with how you are feeling right in the moment.
4. Begin to deepen and lengthen each breath in and out through the nostrils, slowing everything down.
5. On an inhale, expand the low belly and low back out like an inflated balloon, then exhale completely, gently hugging your navel in toward the spine. Repeat 3 times.
6. Then add a second part....Breathe into the low belly/back and lift the breath up into the rib cage as well. Exhale through the ribs, then belly, navel hugs the spine. Repeat 3 times.
7. To breath in 3 parts now, fill up the belly, ribs, and then bring the breath up into the chest and collarbones. Hold the top of the breath for a couple seconds. Release the breath like an elevator, letting go through the collarbones, ribs, back down to the belly, holding the bottom of the breath a couple of seconds. Repeat this complete breath for a couple more minutes.
If you have high blood pressure or feel lightheaded, dizzy or strange, you'll want to take it nice and slow to begin. Honor how YOU feel then gradually increase the depth and length of the technique.
This simple breath can do wonders for your nervous system and emotional state. If you feel overwhelmed, confused, tired or just need to ground yourself back to center, try this pranayama (breath control). It can help you fall asleep at night, calms the mind, improves lung capacity and diaphragm strength, and increases overall vitality.
You may also find yourself aligning with the present moment and more able to understand your own boundaries and how to respect those of others.
Happy Breathing!
the wise owl
XOXOX
